I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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