I hate all girls vehemently.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
