I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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