I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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