TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
