Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
