There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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