I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
