mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
