I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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