so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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