We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
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She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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