Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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