I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
