im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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