We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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