You really coming over, don't trick.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
