Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
