no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
she smelled like a LAN party
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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