I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
