Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
The struggles of a small town man whore
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
