and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
