Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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