I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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