Your dad touched me again.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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