I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
So much rum. So many feels.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
