Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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