I wish I could punch you in the face.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
No stitches, just platelets and will power
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
