he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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