apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
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I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
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That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
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