I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
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