im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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