I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Randomize
