Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
