you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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