I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like Dick and happiness
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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