we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
