Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
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