Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
