Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
