HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
