from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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