Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
