just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
