I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
