my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
