then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
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WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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