Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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