How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
