4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Randomize
