Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
