why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
