i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
it glows. i had to have it.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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