i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
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I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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