hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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