I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
