so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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