im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
