i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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