I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Success! We fucked roommates!
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
