our cab driver is having phone sex.
birth control should be required to get into college
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
