My vagina just recognized that song.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
